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A Jewish film producer once said, “Mother, father, and G-d represented the core of Jewish family life. Evry home depended on the warmth and care given by the mother, the strength and security given by the father, and the omnipresence and omnipotence of G-d. Mother was there when you were ailing or hungry or cold, father was always handy to protect you and G-d was available for everything.” (Dore Schary)

“Just as it is a mitzvah to put on tefillin every day, it is a mitzva for the father to be involved with the children every day.” (M.M. Schneerson)

We all need family, and those of us fortunate enough to have a large family rely on it to share the joys and burdens of being a member of that family. The fullness we all feel having an extended family as well as a large natural immediate family gives us an identity, a sense of self, closeness, support, and variety.

It is exactly this access to the dynamics of a large family that is denied the baby who is given away in the very beginning of life. How much more so does a retarded child need to feel this acceptance and the security that goes with it, rather than literally being lost, alone, and rejected from the very first ;phase of life.

Keeping a child born with Down syndrome can only enrich everyone’s experience around him. By eliminating the myths, the fears, and the unknown, and then by further embracing, understanding and meeting the challenges head on, we all benefit.

There are clearly times when family members simply cannot cope with certain situations, and may, G-d forbid, wonder why they were born. Generally speaking orthodox Jews don’t entertain such despairing thoughts. As the Gemora, (Magilla, 16A) reminds us, “These people (the Jews) have been compared to sand and stars; when they fall as low as the sand, and when they rise as high as the sky.” Between the stars and the sand, orthodox Jews also have bad thoughts, specifically in the attitudes toward children born “differently abled” or if you will, handicapped.

All the evidence proves that the absolute worst thing that can happen to a baby immediately after birth is to be placed in a facility, communal home, or institution. The most desirable setting then is always a biological family home preferably with the biological mother and father as well as the natural siblings.

What is more joyous than having a baby? And what is more fraught with potential for conflict?

Say what you want about the probability of winning the lottery but I’ve never heard the story of the guy who won and complained about the windfall by asking to pass it on to another without even sampling the windfall if only for a short time.

“Oh my gosh I just won all this money in the lottery, why me? Why did it have to be me? I don’t think I can handle this. It’s going to be too much for the family to handle.”

Childbirth no matter how much we think we can control it, is like a lottery even though the grand prize is a gift from Above.

As Dore Schary says, “childbirth is one of the greatest shared moments in the lives of mothers and fathers and babies, offering an infinite number of possibilities as the potential. There are those segments of the process that are observed, monitored, and regulated and there are those aspects of the process over which we have not control and less insight.” The only way through, many religious Jews have found, is the use of prayer and recitation of Tehillim (Plalms) in order to effect or influence outcome. And we know these tools work.

These are the windows to heaven according to the Baal Shem Tov (1689-1760 The founder of the Chassidic movement worldwide). And if I might add here so are our children windows to heaven. When G-d sends us a child He is also sending us the special instructions as to how to handle the situation. He wants you to have this child; all you need do is pray and listen closely for the answer.

Just as there are no two people the same so too there are no two birthing experiences that are the same. Every baby goes through a birthing process that is similar only however in that every baby descends through a series of internal events ultimately presenting to us as an external semi independent being. It is here that all similarities end and the uniqueness of this event begins as life.

G-d does not make mistakes when creating human beings. Only human beings make mistakes through ignorance. Put another way, everything and everyone is perfect in His eyes; It is our eyes that need correcting.