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There is this annual ritual that I observe every year as we arrive at the send off point where we meet the buses that are all lined up awaiting our children as they prepare to board. This ritual that I refer to is the welcome back ritual that I call the “I am so excited to see you embrace.”

Now I think that there is most certainly a time for everything and especially for children however, it is simply not appropriate for our children who are nine and ten years old and above to be hugging young adult counselors from summers past. This rule should apply as well to the full body embrace that is employed as a method of introduction when meeting new staff for the first time.

It is not merely an embrace or an innocent hug. Keep in mind that not only are there halachas about these kinds of behaviors but it is, simply put, not the best way to train our children to become fully included and accepted members of a greater society.

Today there is a story in the news that reported that in a southern school a new rule was implemented to prevent contact that involved high fiving, embracing, and hand holding. This further included more obvious exclusions such as kissing and other inappropriate public displays of affection.

Now the reason that this set of rules was introduced into a public school in the first place is because the school district recognized that these inappropriate contacts lead to physical violence. This is exactly the opposite of what I would have thought. And yet there it was in the newspaper, “in order to prevent these contacts from leading to violence.”

It is clear to me that if one can’t shake hands one cannot lead to ever more inappropriate intimate behaviors. However, what is new for me is that this leads to violent acts. And yet when thought about it is really quite a logical next step isn’t it?

Promoting appropriate standards of social conduct at the very earliest phases of development will lead to proper adolescent and adult behaviors.

What is most disturbing is observing one of these very enthusiastic young adult counselors greeting our very cute and cuddly youngsters who have Down syndrome with a big hug and a squeeze for good measure.

This is the way they act in front of the parents so how should we think that it is going to be in the camp for the entire summer out of our view. After all aren’t they setting the tone for what their expectations are when greeting each other for the very first time prior to boarding the bus?

It is extremely important that there be a staff meeting at the beginning of every summer where the standards of interaction are reviewed and established. If it is not appropriate for a typical child of 10 years of age to be picked up and held then it is not an appropriate behavior for a child who has Down syndrome.

This is an inclusion mentality. That is to say that when a child is going to go out into the community at large, after they have completed their school studies, as an adult we must always want to anticipate the behaviors we are trying to instill in them as children. We must always be cognitive of how will the children carry with them those standards learned in their youth.

It is extremely important then that every child is evaluated by the staff and that the parents are consulted as to their wishes and that those evaluations and wishes be strictly respected.

The real problem is that some of these children are so very cute that it is extremely difficult to resist the temptation and not to grab on and/or comply with the child’s wish to embrace.

However this is an extremely wrong approach for the child’s sake. It is the beginning of the summer and the child is a camper and should not be given the message that it is they that are in charge. It will be exceptionally difficult to separate those behaviors as they progressively become more age inappropriate and increasingly more socially unacceptable as well.

What was cute at the age of four or five or in some cases even at the age of six is not at all cute when the child, who may be fully developed at the age of 13 or 14 or 18 wants to continue what has taken place every year up until this one when suddenly the child is no longer sent the message that they are cute and cuddly.

It is not fair to create these synthetic warm and physical greetings as being acceptable each year and then to suddenly pull the child’s plug on warm and fuzzy simply because the counselors no longer find it acceptable. What is the adolescent child to think when suddenly one summer everyone shows up and the typical greeting that has been so acceptable for all these years is no longer acceptable but fully rejected. The camper cannot be made to understand what is going on since it is consistency that is the lynch pin for successful development.

If these acts of physical greetings and contacts are not encouraged in the first place then our children will not have to experience the rejection and separation with the onset of adolescence.

When children experience appropriate hugging in the home with their parents, their grand parents, and their siblings then this is the best time to teach them about appropriate and permitted hugs and also about the opposite.

So when counselors see the children at the bus let’s all be united and encourage them to put out their hands for a socially acceptable handshake and let’s further encourage them to resist the temptations of the traditional summer bus greeting in the form of “the full body embrace.” Let’s ask the counselors to cooperate by encouraging our children to cooperate as well.

May all of the children, staff, counselors, and administrators have a happy, healthy, and barrier free, safe summer.