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Much of the dynamic falls on my shoulders since everyone assumes that it is easier for me to interact with him than it is for everyone else which couldn’t be further from the truth. I have not had any training in working or interacting with the deaf community and yet since I have had the greatest exposure and involvement with handicap and disability of any of our friends, relations, or guests it will all fall on me to see to it that our friend is comfortable and involved.

Our relationship is one filled with an increased level of frustration because of all of his unique and specific needs and exceptional demands that are required in order to remain a part of our family dynamic.

We are not required to be nice to him or even include him in our social or familial interaction yet we find him to be genuinely friendly, funny and very sincere.

We are confronting his limits with a whole new set of our own. That is he cannot hear and we cannot overcome his inability to hear even with all of our so called abilities.

When I observe a family going through the initial steps of facing a life with a child born with a set of handicaps or disabilities I am always reminded of this circumstance of the deaf guest.

When we look at a disabled newborn the only context in which we can ascertain the halachically correct behavior is to follow the Kesef Mishna where in he observes that there is a case where a child may no longer be able to endure the strain of providing proper and appropriate parental care.

This is a situation where the mind of the parent has been so overwhelmingly compromised to the point that they are no longer able to have a relationship. In this specific case in the Gemora (Kiddushin) R. Assi leaves his mother.

The Ravad is disturbed by this abandonment more by the fact that he cannot believe that the parent can care for a child without monetary remuneration yet the stranger will do it for a fee. Thus he concludes that the parent will not be able to freely speak their minds to a paid employee guardian however with the real flesh and blood child they will not feel as restricted.

The Rambam says that there is in all probability a suitable substitute for the child caring for an incapacitated parent while the Ravad contends that there is no suitable substitute for a blood relative child when the question is the care of their own parents.

And the fact that the parents will not feel as comfortable around a stranger will inhibit the parent from truly expressing their own needs and this will adversely affect the overall quality of care. (Nishmas Avraham and Yoreh Deah 240:5)

These arguments primarily revolve around the differences in the professional care offered by a stranger versus the inexperienced care provided by a child.

This classic disagreement between the Ravad (the idealist) and the Rambam (the realist) offers a choice for the family to determine their specific level of limitations and abilities.

Thus we see that there may actually be a compromise solution that accepts both the idealism and the realism that offers families who are suddenly confronted with an infant born with a disability a choice to keep their children at home while at the same time providing all of the requisite therapies and professional services and at the same time still not compromise the level of care and development offered to the child.