hearttoheartamerican.org Blog

When there is a need to use the restroom they will say that they need to make a “bop” as an example of this kind of behavior planning.

Why is this such an important necessity? Well when children find themselves together and they become bored they will often resort to the use of words that are socially unacceptable in order to outdo each other.

When children use these words together amongst themselves or amongst others they will none the less resort to the most lowest of their vocabulary skills in order to overcome their peers use of silly words.

An example is as follows. If a group of children become silly and use the most commonly used colloquialisms to describe a bowel movement or other bodily function our kids will not only have no idea what the other children are so giddy about but the opposite will occur. Our children will only look on confused and the other children will have no idea what our children are trying to instigate when they will yell out “bop” in the most inappropriate way.

These planned behaviors begin at the earliest stages of development.

Children have the capacity to change and modify their cognitive function at every stage of their development.

The fewer obstacles we place in their paths the better the chances of success.

Professor Reuven Feuerstein’s basic assumption is that children are beings with open systems, accessible to change throughout their life span.

Further stated he continues, that it is generally agreed that there are optimal periods of development and that they preclude the capacity of all human beings to change under specified conditions of remediation providing quality and quantity of intervention matches the persons needs.

Utilizing this method of affecting changes in a child’s life means that we need interpose ourselves between a controlled, selected, and appropriate stimulus and the child with the intent of mediating the stimuli of the child.

Simply put it is the process that is important not the result. Even though we may have an intended objective we must develop methods that will allow the child to remain within the process until that is mastered without shortchanging the time required by moving too quickly toward the result.

If a child needs to spend more time on a project or a segment of an assignment do not halt the process merely because you are becoming frustrated and because you are out of patience to continue.

It is important to prepare a child for a situation by properly preparing them with the tools to succeed and it is also important to afford a child the time to succeed independently by allowing enough time and parental patience for that to happen.

Anticipating a behavior;

Many years ago our daughter Suri would join us on family outings to visit bubby and zaide. When we arrived at bubby and zaide’s house Suri would not get out of the van. We coaxed her, we bribed her, we all took turns and nothing would get her to budge until she would finally decide to join us. This was not only frustrating and time consuming but did not teach any good midos or behaviors.

So by anticipating the behavior we devised a plan that seemed to change her travel habits.

Before we left our house we would give Suri a bag or a package and tell her it was an important delivery for bubby. We told her that bubby was anxiously awaiting whatever it was that was inside the item she was charged with delivering.

When we arrived at bubby and zaide’s house who was the first one out of the van and into the house?

When Suri began school her first para was having a problem getting Suri to cooperate by leaving the playground after recess. Suri would remain for up to 10 minutes after everyone was already in the building.

After hearing this story about the trips to bubby and zaide the para asked Suri if she would like to serve as the door monitor by holding the door open for all of the girls as they returned to the building after recess. She explained that this was an important job and not just for anyone but that the teacher wanted someone who would be responsible and reliable. When the next recess was over who was the first girl off the playground, holding the door?

Involve your children in the process and avoid the trap of being only goal or objective oriented and anticipate the behavior. This will increase patience and simultaneously develop acceptance and success strategies.