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There are those segments of the process that are observed, monitored, and regulated, and there are those aspects of the process over which we have absolutely no control and even less insight.

The only tools that the orthodox Jewish community has that works is prayer and psalms which we use to influence the outcome. And these tools work. They become, as the Baal Shem Tov (1698 – 1760, founder of the Chassidic movement) has said, “the windows to heaven.”

When G-d sends us a child with Down syndrome, He’s also sending us the special instructions as to how to properly handle the situation.

As stated above just as there are no two people the same there are no two birthing experiences that are the same.

Every baby goes through a birthing process that is similar only in that every baby descends through a series of internal events ultimately presenting as an external being. It is here that all similarities end and the uniqueness of life begins.

This revealed and very unique infant now becomes the object of so much love and adoration. As soon as the baby is handed to the parents, the first thing they will do is join with every other parent in world history by fulfilling the “counting of the fingers and the toes” ritual.

When the birth is successful on every level and the child is the expected perfect package then there is an increased sense of closeness amongst the parents and siblings.

However what if, G-d forbid, your baby is born with a less-than-perfect result? How does that affect the increased closeness?

How many times have we heard that G-d does not make mistakes? Only humans make mistakes. Put this all another way, everything and everyone is perfect in the Creator’s eyes, it is our eyes that need correction.

Perhaps it is this inability to see this G-dly perfection that is present in the disabled child that is the same Divine punishment of blindness that the Sodomites experienced because they refused to heed G-d’s warnings not to harm Lot’s guests.

Unfortunately, the primary standard by which we measure acceptance is intellect. How many physicians have tried to fabricate their findings upon examination with manufactured information developed spontaneously to appease and soothe overly concerned parents of a child who has Down syndrome?

Doctors have a very difficult time admitting that they do not know something. They’ve been trained to never admit ignorance about a problem or concern of the patient. (This is slowly changing)

Diagnostics of disability is not a complete subject in medical school. Nor is presenting the facts compassionately to an already confused and upset postpartum parent.

Many, not all, rabbis are also ignorant of the infant and their potentials. These rabbis may even represent themselves to be experts at handling these situations. They are however very sophisticated at providing clandestine and fast action in order to soothe the immediate needs of the family never once answering the question as to what was the real intent of the Creator in all of this.

The family is no absolved of any wrong doing and can get on with their lives knowing that everything was handled according to halacha.

There are clearly times when a child born with a disability or handicap does not belong in the home. There are those situations where the personalities involved do not have the capacity to handle the situation as it is.

These are not and never are the situations where the child is born with something like Down syndrome.

I have often compared Down syndrome to the Cadillac of disability. That is of all of the forms of disability that a person could find that their child was diagnosed with, Down syndrome is the mildest and most manageable of them all.

So when a rabbinical decision is made to give up a child who was born with Down syndrome it is clearly a case of, “that’s the way I’ve always poskinned (adjudicated) so how could I possibly change now?”

The reason for this kind of thinking on the part of rabbinical decision makers is that they would have no answer for those whom he has already advised to give up their children many years ago if he would suddenly change and advise mothers to keep their children.

As harsh and as callous as this may sound it is indeed the facts as told to me by one of the biggest amongst those who give out such advice.

It is a very humbling and lonely experience to give birth to a disabled baby. And this baby will grow to become a constant reminder of that humbleness and vulnerability.

To reject this child is to reject the sense of vulnerability.

Having the inner strength to accept and the courage to overcome the fear of the unknown is what I would expect that these rabbis should begin to instill in these families at this most vulnerable moment.

By rejecting the old realities and perceptions of Down syndrome we can effect a change. Hope is the possibility for real change. Acceptance means that change will take place as long as hope is not lost.

The reason that these rabbinical decisions have been so easy to implement with family approval and full participation is that once hope is removed then the morale of the family is at its lowest point.

Sadly, many orthodox Jewish families continue to give their biological offspring away to institutions or up for adoptions.

True the community now has their own institutions and adoptive resources (all governmentally sponsored) yet these are all merely designed to make it easier to reject your own child.

These abandoned babies and their diverse disabilities offer for many, the first opportunity at self sacrifice. This may actually be the one and only time in these peoples’ lives that they are being offered the chance to be a humble human being.

Many of these babies are being given away by their own mothers and fathers without any honest concern for the siblings’ loss or the long term implications for the destructive and diverse nature of this decision of hopelessness.

That is to say certainly this decision was made with many hours of discussion as to how best to handle the situation but with few words wasted on how to best integrate the child and retain the wholeness of the family.

We must first recognize that there are many negative feelings that surface after the birth of any baby and how much more so when the result is a differently-abled baby.

Religious Jews, known for their great scholarship and self discipline have chosen, often, to hide behind the cloak of doing what they have always done. They try to maintain control and contain the situation rather than accept that they are vulnerable.

Yet it is that vulnerability that is the one thing we can share with the world that makes us whole again.

There is a well known Chassidic concept made known by the Baal Shem Tov, that explains that when a person dislikes something, a trait or a characteristic in another it is only because that person himself possesses these qualities.

Maybe these babies remind us of just how imperfect we are and just how vulnerable we can be. Maybe these babies remind us of how dependent we are on what others think and feel about us.